Celibacy and Other Vows
You may have heard about the recent
controversy surrounding Reverend Alberto Cutie (pronounced koo-tee-ay),
a popular Roman Catholic priest in Florida. It seems Father Cutie
was caught on film in some steamy scenes with a lovely lady in a
bikini.
As a former Roman Catholic who almost became a priest, I found
Father Cutie's situation interesting, to say the least.
The celibacy debate within the walls of the Vatican and beyond
has been raging for centuries. Yet the church has stubbornly stuck
to its requirement of celibacy vows for new priests.
The Catholic Church is no stranger to sex scandals, and this is
just the latest of a long litany of them. Should they allow men who
want to be priests also to be married? Most of the people in the
outpouring of love and support for Father Cutie think so.
I don't know the answer. But I do know how it affected me
personally.
Many years ago I was a devout Catholic who loved the Church and
all its pomp and circumstance. I was determined to become a priest.
But twice, literally at the 11th hour, I backed off. I simply did
not want to take vows to live my life without a woman, or to
mindlessly obey my superiors.
Those were my only reasons for backing off, reasons that
disturbed some who thought I'd make a great priest.
So I understand, and have the greatest compassion for, priests
like Father Cutie. Is it realistic to require people to take vows of
celibacy (or vows of anything else) and expect them to live out the
rest of their lives faithful to those vows?
I don't think so. We all change and grow as we move through the
years. To refuse to change and grow is to choose stagnation and
death.
Here's Chief Joseph.
Chief
Joseph
Humans, in our view, are often obsessed with vows. Whether we're
talking about priestly vows, marriage vows, patriotic vows, etc., it
doesn't matter.
Vows are, as John said, unrealistic, especially if you live a
life many years long. You change and grow through those years -- as
you should, as your higher selves intended when you incarnated.
That is a good thing. After all, you cannot not grow. You
can choose how to grow -- through joyful experiences or
painful experiences. But you cannot stand still.
So to impose upon yourselves or others vows (of whatever --
celibacy, fidelity, obedience, poverty, patriotism, etc.) is simply
not a good idea.
Instead we would propose setting realistic expectations for
yourselves, acknowledging you will grow and change
continuously throughout your lives.
When you get married or become a priest or anything else, you
certainly have great intentions to make it the very best experience
you can. We applaud that.
But do you expect also you will never change? If you do, that is
not only unrealistic and shortsighted, but it simply does not fit
with how your human lives always "play out," if you will.
Friends, we've often said "Live in the moment." That's
all you have. Your human minds do not know where you will be ten
years from now, or fifty, or more. All your power is now. And
only now.
So to impose vows and promises on yourselves is to deny you will
change and grow. You can deny it, but you cannot avoid it.
Live fully in every present moment. Do not tarnish your joy with
unrealistic expectations. Vows and other long-term contracts, if you
will, are simply not part of who you really are.
Who you really are is God. God needs no restrictions, goals, or
anything else that limit your growth.
You are God. You are Joy. Live in the full awareness of that
every moment of the rest of your lives.
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