A Death in the Family by John Cali

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We had a death in our family last month. Actually, several deaths. The last two were just a few days apart.

John Cali

The first death last month was a young US Army soldier, only 23 years old. He died in the widely publicized helicopter crash in Afghanistan on August 6. We wrote about this young man in a recent blog post, The Rose.

The second death, shortly after the first, was an elderly man, nearly 100 years old. He’d lived a long, happy life with a wonderfully warm, caring family. He told those around him he was ready to go. The next day he died peacefully in his living room.

Many would call the first death tragic and untimely. And the second peaceful and timely. Spirit has a slightly different perspective.


Death, no matter when or how it occurs, is never untimely or tragic. Though we realize that’s how your world often sees death, especially deaths such as that of the young man in John’s family.

You all know you did not come to your current physical being with the soul intent to stay forever. Even if that was possible, you would not really want to do it.

You all decide, at some level of your awareness, when and how you will die. There are no exceptions to that. Your higher selves feel no sense of loss or grief when you — their physical aspects — leave your bodies. They see it as a natural progression, another step on your eternal journey of growth.

If you could see physical death as your higher selves do, you would feel no grief at the “loss” of a loved one. Nor would you feel any fear in the prospect of your own inevitable physical death.

We certainly have the greatest understanding and compassion for you when you grieve and feel a deep sense of loss. But you have not lost your loved ones. You can never lose those you love.

Our advice, when you do experience the death of someone you love, is to allow yourselves to grieve. But do not linger indefinitely in your grief. Do your best to see death for what it truly is: a change of form, not an ending.

We said you do not ever lose those you love, in life or in death. You will find peace in death if you see it as we do. When a loved one dies, they reemerge back into spirit. It is always an easy transition, even though the events (sickness, accident, etc.) leading up to death are not always easy. But dying itself is the easiest thing you will ever do.

Upon death you reunite not only with your spirit or higher self, but also with the spirits of your loved ones who have gone before you, and with whatever or whoever you perceive God to be. That much most of you take for granted.

But what you generally do not see is that you are also reuniting with the spirits of your loved ones who are still in physical form. So there truly is not even a moment’s break in the continuity of your loving relationships.

If you can look at death in that light, you will let go of grief easily. You will find peace easily. You will know all is well.


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