To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. ~ Oscar Wilde

A recurring theme in our conversations with people over many years is soulmates.

Most often, people are looking for one, sometimes believing it’s an elusive dream. Equally often, they want it to be a romantic relationship. But a true soulmate, though she or he can be a romantic partner, is far more than that.

Recently, I had a talk with a dear friend of many years. Ann (not her real name) was looking for a soulmate.

Following is a brief summary of that conversation (with Ann’s permission).

“I assume you were off on a trip with Berna. I am so happy for you. Perhaps some day in this lifetime, I will discover my soulmate! It would be so awesome to have someone to share life and dreams with.
Love, Ann”

My reply:
“Yes, Ann, your assumption is correct. Thank you for your kind thoughts for us.

“But let me tell you a little ‘secret.’

“Neither Berna nor I had any desire to find a soulmate. Many years ago we may have. But no longer. We just focused on our spiritual paths. Then we “found” each other, after having been good friends for 17 years.

“It was like that old spiritual teaching: There is nothing to seek, nothing to find. Once you realize all you desire is within, you give up the search. You’ve already arrived.

“The only remaining step is to realize you already have all you want. Then your soulmate will appear.

“I hope that makes sense.
Love, John.”


We’ve compiled a list which, in our view, is what you need to re-define your image, or definition, of your “soulmate.”

  • Have you taken the time to consider exactly what a perfect partner, a soulmate, is?
  • Many, or most, of you put a romantic “twist” on the word “soulmate.” Nothing wrong with that.
  • However, while a soulmate can certainly be a romantic partner, we would define it much more broadly.
  • Many romantic relationships are not between soulmates. And many soulmate relationships are not romantic.
  • A soulmate can be a beloved pet or other animal.
  • You can even have a soulmate relationship with a place. A place, perhaps, where you feel passionately connected to the universe, to all that is.
  • A soulmate can be, often is, a close friend or family member, where a romantic relationship is not remotely possible.
  • There are potential soulmates on the periphery of  your conscious experience, as with Berna and Johnny over many years of “just” a friendship.
  • You do not have only one potential, perfect romantic partner, your “one and only.”
  • So your definition of soulmate needs to be greatly expanded.


Finally, we propose what might seem a radical redefinition of the word, “soulmate.” You are your best soulmate.

When you can fall head-over-heels in love with yourself, you will have “arrived.” When you fully understand oneness, the connectedness of all that is, you are in the best possible position to attract a soulmate.

Partially adapted from John Cali and Spirit Special Reports

Copyright © 2020 by John Cali and Berna Copray
Edited by Berna Copray


In this beautiful conversation, Abraham and Esther Hicks discuss how to know, beyond any doubt, when you meet your soulmate.

Has this conversation changed your definition or view of soulmates?

Please share your thoughts with us in the comments below.


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