How To Help a Loved One in Pain by John Cali

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John Cali

One of our readers sent us this question in response to our newsletter article on perfect health:

Dear John and Spirit,

I am a Registered Nurse and an appreciator of Abraham and Spirit for several years.

I am beginning to truly understand, and attempting to practice, much of what I have been reading for the past few years.

However, in relation to what Spirit said (in the newsletter):

“You may not notice an immediate change, but rest assured change is inevitable if you keep your focus on feeling good. Your physical body is a magnificently responsive mechanism, and it always, ALWAYS, no exceptions, responds perfectly to your predominant thoughts.

“You will always know what you are thinking by how you are feeling. If you’re feeling bad (and that can mean anything from a bit frustrated to raging anger to deep grief, and so on) your thoughts are not focused on wellness, on what feels good. If, on the other hand, you’re feeling positive, upbeat, excited, loving, passionate, etc., you know your predominant thoughts are focused on wellness.”

(End of Spirit’s remarks)

Is there any way for an observer of a loved one who is in the pain of depression to assist that person, in addition to (getting a) physician’s assistance? My teenage son has been depressed and when he is in that state it is not possible for him to focus on wellness and (he) spirals downward. I have been giving him Reiki. I have visualized him as the happy person he wants to be. But so far, it is not enough.

What does Spirit feel about this?


If you are depressed the only lasting cure is to focus on something–anything–that does not depress you.

That sounds pretty simple, and it truly is. But it isn’t always easy to put into practice if you’re severely depressed, especially with all that’s happening on your planet these days.

But the cause of depression is always, no exceptions, the focus you give to what depresses you. We know there are many who would disagree with that. Yet it remains our position.

In extreme or severe cases it may be helpful, often is helpful, to seek conventional medical or psychiatric care, including drug therapy. But the root of the depression is still the person’s focus on depressing ideas and circumstances.

While conventional methods can indeed be extremely helpful in providing initial relief (particularly if one has a strong belief and trust in them), the danger is the person comes to rely on them to the exclusion of his or her own inner healing resources. The only ultimate and real cure for depression is total self-reliance.

That is not to say the depressed one should not seek outside help. But it is to say that outside help should empower the person to rely more and more upon his or her own considerable inner resources.

The best way conventional medicine can help is to ultimately provide the initiative to return to total self-reliance. To instill a “victim mentality” is counterproductive.

There are many conventional medical practitioners on the planet today who are “enlightened,” if you will. And who are open to, and even practicing, alternative healing methods. And combining them with more traditional methods.

The best you can do for your son is to continue what you are already doing–seeking outside help as you and he feel is needed. And, most importantly, visualizing him as the happy person he wants to be.

While you say, “But so far, it is not enough,” know this: It IS making a difference.

You cannot walk another’s path for him or her. You cannot make his or her choices. And you cannot truly know what the soul’s purpose really is.

All you can do–and this is a lot–is to love him. See him happy, peaceful, whole, healed. You are already doing that.

Whether you see any immediate effects or not, whether you see any long-term effects or not, you ARE making a difference. If nothing else, you are making the path of a loved one much easier than it would have been otherwise, than it would have been had you not been there.

Or had you not cared. And that is the ultimate healer–the caring.

He will be fine. Trust in the wisdom of his soul, and in the wisdom and power of the Universe.

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