Pain by John Cali

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John Cali

A few days ago I received a letter from a close friend who’s dealing with several life-changing challenges. He talked of how it helped to reach out to other people in similar situations. Then he said “We support each other as much as we can. We are all in emotional turmoil and pain.”

That reminded me of a radio interview I heard last week with a well known television writer. He’d taken heroin many years ago to help cope with pain in his life, only to find his addiction merely intensified the pain. As the interview drew to a close he said something that startled me: “We’re all in love with our pain.”

I got to thinking about pain. I don’t believe everyone is in love with their pain. But many certainly are. There is some sort of perverse pleasure or payoff in being miserable.

So I decided to ask Spirit about it all.


Human pain — a most fascinating subject, is it not? You humans are fascinated by it. We in the dimensions of spirit are fascinated by it, though it does not exist here.

Pain, in your modern world, is such an integral part of your everyday life. Everywhere you look, it seems, you find pain in your own life, in the lives of others.

Why do you suppose struggle and pain have loomed so large in your world?

The answer is simple: Most of you do not feel worthy of living a life without pain, without struggle.

Somewhere along the path humanity has traveled now for centuries it became ingrained in the mass consciousness that the only way to achieve success (whatever that means to you) is through struggle and pain. You have that weary old cliché: No pain, no gain.

Friends, that is absolute nonsense! We are not denying there is strife, struggle, turmoil, terror in your world. But we are saying none of that has anything to do with you unless you choose to participate in it.

Now, we are not saying you should not be concerned with the pain and suffering of others, especially those you love. (And that includes yourself.) But you do no one, including yourself, any good by walking into their pain with them.

The best thing you can say to someone who is suffering goes something like this:

I love you. I am always here for you. But I will not, I cannot, walk into your pain with you. The best way I can help you is to remain pain-free. Then from that place I can best help you to also become pain-free.

Much of the suffering many humans endure is because they do walk into the pain of others. And then, on top of that, they immerse themselves in their own pain. Then you have what you sometimes describe as a “double whammy.”

It’s almost as if you were taught (and, really, you were) that pain is a virtue — to suffer is a virtue — to sacrifice is noble and good.

All of that is complete nonsense!

Your higher self, your soul never intended you to suffer or to live in pain. Yes, there are certainly many experiences you all have which hold the potential for much pain. But — and this is a big BUT — it is possible for you to move through those experiences painlessly, pain-free.

You live in a world of vast diversity. And that is as it should be. You, as your soul, chose to incarnate into this world of diversity. And you were, and are, free to choose whatever you want from the banquet table of life. Life offers you many choices, pain being one of them.

Your pain, friends, does not come from your outer circumstances, but from your reaction to those circumstances. That reaction, whatever it may be, you are free to choose — or to change — at any moment.

Life is supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to feel good. The only purpose to pain and suffering is to remember you don’t have to suffer or be in pain.

Life is good. Seek and find the joy in all your experiences, whether you see them as painful or not. The good and the joy are always there. But you have to look for them.

And don’t beat up on yourselves if you do find you are in pain and suffering. Just know it will pass. And you will move on to your destiny.

Your destiny, friends, is to be happy, to be joyful, to find your way home again.

And you will find your way home again. For all paths lead home.

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