The Ebb and Flow of Life by John Cali

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John Cali

Since today is Valentine’s Day, I thought we’d talk about relationships. Fascinating and often baffling subject, isn’t it?

Recently, several of my close, years-long personal relationships have faded and gotten lost in the mists of time. There were no big fights. Nobody got mad at anybody. There was just a quiet drifting in different directions.

None of these were romantic relationships. But Valentine’s Day is not just about lovers — it’s about us all in relationships of love with each other.

This sort of experience used to drive me crazy when I was younger. I would almost always blame one or the other of us.

But it’s never anyone’s “fault” — after all, we all create our own realities. And we co-create the reality of our relationships.

“Coincidentally,” just as I was sitting down to write this newsletter, someone sent me a wonderful quote from “A Course in Miracles.” Here it is:

Use no relationship to hold you to the past, but with each one each day be born again.

Relationships come and go. Our lives ebb and flow. We are born anew in every present moment.

Here’s Spirit.


You’ve heard us, and others, say this many times: The only constant in life is change. That’s one thing you can always count on.

Perhaps the most difficult and challenging change for most of you is in your relationships.

You have this view of relationships, especially romantic and family ones, that does not always serve you well. You’ve heard us say relationships are not forever. After all, nothing is forever.

By that we mean nothing, especially your relationships, remains fixed and eternally unchanging. That just isn’t possible — or desirable.

Life in the physical or nonphysical realm, is all about change. Even in our dimensions of spirit, relationships are constantly changing, evolving, growing.

You’ll never get it done. Dead or alive, you’ll never get it done. There are no destinations. There is only the journey. Especially in relationships.

And so, as John said, relationships come and go, ebb and flow.

We understand where most of you are coming from, especially in your relationships. And especially in your romantic relationships.

You often talk about your soul mate, your “one and only.” As if there could be only one “one and only.”

You, at the soul level, chose to come into this lifetime to experience diversity — and change. You thought the game of diversity and change would be a fun thing to do on Planet Earth.

But then you lost sight of that, and got rooted in — or, more accurately, stuck in — the idea, the illusion of permanence. As if that would give you some sense of security and safety.

Whatever security and safety you perceive in a permanent, unchanging relationship is an illusion. In fact, a permanent, unchanging relationship is an illusion.

Your security and safety, friends, comes from allowing the change and growth which, after all, you cannot avoid. Nor would you want to avoid it if you thought about it.

There is only one relationship where you will find the security and safety you seek — your relationship with yourself.

We are not saying relationships, including romantic relationships, cannot or should not last for a lifetime. We are saying, however, it is not a bad thing if your relationships change, or do not last your entire life.

This is all about growth. It’s all about your soul’s purpose, and its intent to immerse itself in the joys, pleasures, and passions of life on earth, of life in a physical body.

There will always be an ebb and flow to life, on earth or in spirit. It’s all good. And all is well.

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