With Valentine’s Day coming up next week, we thought this would be a good time to talk about romance.

John Cali

Someone asked Spirit a while ago, “It seems like forever I’ve been searching for my soul mate. Sometimes I get so discouraged! Can you help me?”

I recently read a quote from one of my favorite people and teachers, Alan Cohen: “When you become your own greatest lover, you will have lots of competition for the position.”

I love that one!

Here’s Spirit.

Spirit

It seems so many of you on the earth plane are forever in search of your perfect partner, your soul mate.

And yet how many have taken the time to consider exactly what a perfect partner, a soul mate, is? Few, we daresay.

So let us begin there.

First of all, many walking your earth today, when they hear the term, “soul mate,” instantly put a romantic twist, if you will, on it. There’s nothing wrong with that. But many romantic relationships are not between soul mates. And many soul mate relationships are not romantic.

So let us broaden your concept of soul mate.

Let’s take the term literally — soul mate. That means someone who shares the same soul, the same part of the stream of consciousness you find yourself in. And that “someone” is not limited to a potential romantic partner of the opposite (or same) sex. It can include — it does include — far, far more than that.

A soul mate can be, and often is, a beloved friend or family member with whom a romantic relationship is not even a remote possibility or desire in this lifetime. A soul mate can be a beloved pet.

You can even have a soul mate relationship with a place where you feel passionately connected to the Universe. For example, the ocean, the mountains, the desert, and so on. Basically, it’s wherever you find a resonant vibration, a deeply-felt soul connection.

A soul mate can be anyone with whom you feel a deep spiritual bond and passionate love. Generally, any relationship where you feel deeply connected can be, in a real sense, a soul mate relationship.

However, let’s get back to our earlier definition of soul mate: someone who shares the same soul. You always recognize your soul mates by how you feel about them.

Think about those people (let’s confine this discussion to people for now) you feel deeply connected to. Many of them, though not all, are your soul mates. And you will never have a romantic relationship with most of them — not in this lifetime anyway.

But then, there are those soul mates in, or on the periphery of, your experience who are potentially perfect romantic partners.

You do not have one perfect romantic partner waiting for you somewhere out there. You have many. There is no “one and only.” Rid yourself of that notion.

That’s not to say, however, when you do find one of those perfect ones, you will not stay together for the rest of this lifetime. You may well stay “till death do us part.” Those relationships often bring the deepest joy and most soul-satisfying pleasure you can experience in one physical lifetime.

It seems to us the best place from which to launch your soul mate search is right there at home, if you will. The first place to look is within yourself.

How do you see yourself? In your own eyes, are you loving and kind? Are you sensual and sexual? Are you bright and beautiful? Would you want you as your best friend? As your perfect lover?

Take a few moments to ponder that question before you answer it. Would you really want yourself as your best friend, as your lover?

If you can truthfully answer “Yes,” you’re ninety percent of the way home to your soul mate.

If you must answer “No,” that is not a bad thing. It’s actually a good thing. For it means you are realizing you have some work to do on yourself. And now is the perfect time to do it.

Our point is this: You are in absolutely the best and most perfect position to quickly draw to yourself one of those perfect partners out there when you are literally head- over-heels in love with yourself.

If you are head-over-heels in love with you, you don’t need another, do you? That brings us to our next point.

Many relationships on the earth plane today, and probably most romantic relationships, start from a place of need. A place of feeling you, by yourself, are not enough.

You know the litany:

  • If I could only find my soul mate, I’d live happily ever after.
  • If I could find someone to love me, I’d feel better about myself.
  • I might even learn to love myself!
  • Etc., etc.

From that place of feeling needy and definitely not loving yourself, you will not attract your soul mate. Though you’ll probably attract someone, or several someones, as needy as you. And that just doesn’t work.

To sum it all up, you must first become your own perfect partner, your own beloved soul mate. Work on yourself first. That is your first priority, especially if you haven’t yet fallen in love with yourself.

If you can feel really good, really joyful, really uplifted, really passionate, really sensual, really sexual when you are all alone with yourself, you have arrived!

For then you will attract your perfect partner. You must attract your perfect partner, if that is your intention, when you are head-over-heels in love with yourself.

It cannot be otherwise.