How Long Do You Want To Live and How Do You Want To Die? by John Cali and Spirit

Life_of_George_Washington,_DeathbedDeathbed of George Washington
Image by Junius Brutus Stearns

I recently read an article about the death of a 21-month-old baby girl in Texas. She’d fallen into her family’s swimming pool, was revived and rushed to the hospital.

The doctors, after many weeks of various medical procedures, decided she could not survive. She’d gone without oxygen too long, and her organs had shut down. Yet she was still alive.

Her parents begged the “authorities” to end her suffering. They refused. The family decided to remove her feeding tube because, in Texas, that was their only legal alternative. The little girl lingered for nine horrific days, suffering deeply till she took her last breath in her mother’s arms.

I know doctors and other health care professionals are pledged to save lives. But to save lives beyond any hope of physical survival—is that part of their pledge? Is prolonging pain and suffering part of their pledge? Are the laws that require them to do so reasonable?

I personally do not have any problem with humanely helping a loved one make their transition—if it’s with their consent, assuming they are capable of giving it. I know many disagree with me. And there are laws against it in many places, though not everywhere.

We do this for our beloved pets when their quality of life has deteriorated beyond hope. Why not our human loved ones? I’ve seen suffering unreasonably prolonged in my own family, and it’s not an easy thing to watch.


The first thing we want to say today is death is the easiest thing you will ever do. After all, you’ve had lots of practice—you’ve “died” many times in many lives.

The second thing we want to say is death doesn’t exist. What you call death is simply a part of what we call eternal life. You are immortal, “dead” or “alive.” Life and death are simply different aspects of your eternal existence.

You all create your physical lives by your thoughts and choices. If you accept that, then you know you create your physical deaths also—and at the time and in the manner you choose.

You never die. You go on forever. There is no “right” or “wrong” in how you live or how you die. It’s your choice.

But you must allow others their choice. In that allowing you will find peace. And you will honor the choices others make, even if their choices are different from yours.

So is euthanasia wrong? No.

Is suicide wrong? No.

You must allow all humans, including yourself, to make that decision for themselves.

Remember this: At death your loved ones leave their bodies. They do not leave you.


This is a powerfully touching video of the assisted suicide of British businessman Peter Smedley (in Switzerland where it’s legal). The video may not be appropriate for you if you’re deeply sensitive. So trust your inner guidance.

Related links:
Doctor Death
The Fear of Death
Life and Death

P.S. Here’s an excellent article about a medical doctor’s personal perspective on death.


How long do you want to live? Would you choose to die if prolonging your life meant only struggle and pain? Do you have any ethical, moral, or religious values that would allow or prevent you making that choice? Please share your thoughts and comments with us.


What other subjects would you like us to talk about in these posts? Please email me.


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About John Cali

John Cali is a writer, blogger, and channel for a group of spirit guides. His next book is Conversations With Spirit: Real Answers to Life’s Pesky Questions, Book 1. John lives in northwestern Wyoming.Sign up for his newsletter here.

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34 Responses

  1. George Ball

    You are doing such wonderful work for those who accept what you offer.
    I’m 84 and doing fine. I do good often and no one is dependent on me so I can live forever or die tomorrow.

    Love, brother John,

    • John Cali

      Thanks very much, George, for your kind words.

      You’ve always been an inspiration to me — as you said, you’re 84 and still going strong at an age with many folks are sick or in the grave.

      I prefer living forever, but that’s another subject for another day. 🙂

      Much love to you, my dear brother!

  2. Barbara

    Thank you, Martha, for letting us know. We have been thinking of you. I am SO delighted to hear your news and so happy to hear I was able to play a small part in helping. Your description of where you are staying and the great company you are enjoying sounds perfect.

    The file transfer is about to expire. I will go now and do it again to make sure it is there when you are ready for it.

    With love and delight at this great news,
    Barbara xxx

    • Martha

      Thank you so much, Dear Barbara and Everyone,

      I am doing SO WELL!
      I am not even the same person I was before my Cardioversion!
      I can feel a mountain has been moved.
      Due in no small part to the collective prayers and support from so many that came out of my fervent strong desire and ASKING for wellness.

      I feel the AWAKENING OF MY HEART!

      It’s a Recalibration of the electrical systems of my heart to Higher Frequencies that can now
      be accessed. The result of this is a feeling of HAVING A BIGGER HEART AND A DEEP PEACE IN MYSELF ; sort of like I’m meditating all the time with my eyes open! And it’s the most natural thing to just close my eyes and meditate now.

      The energy I feel within myself is just so LOVING. And anyone who knows me knows that this was NOT the case before! The burden I ha e dragged around with me for 6 decades is virtually gone. It feels like my cells are doing fist bumps and The Happy Dance,

      ” HOORAY!! She decided to STAY! Let us sing and dance and play!”

      I can’t wait to see what happens next.




      • John Cali

        That’s great news, Martha! Thanks very much for sharing it with all of us.

        Love, John

      • Barbara

        Hi Martha,
        How wonderfu! You sound absolutely fabulous. I am so delighted you are doing so well and am almost tempted to have one of those operations myself LOL.

        Love and delighted blessings,
        Barbara x

  3. Susan

    Really interesting timing on this one — I have been working and walking with my 95 year old mother very intensely for the past 7 years. It’s been quite an interesting journey! I think that she had many anger and judgement issues (not with me) that she had not really expressed in this life until she was in a loving nursing home facility surrounded by people who were not judging her. She finally left this world at about 7:30 this evening. She did not leave until about 15 minutes after I had physically left the nursing home. In my last conversation with her I thanked her for being my mother and for the journey that we had been on together. I also suggested that, perhaps, it was time for her to cross the river into the light! I did a brief bit of energy work with her… She crossed!

    • John Cali

      Thanks so much, Susan — what a beautiful story! Your mother is certainly blessed to have a daughter like you. God bless you both.

  4. Sarah D

    Hi John,
    Although we don’t have Euthanasia here, we do have something called the Liverpool Pathway. Basically if someone is ill and not predicted to make a recovery, treatment is withdrawn as I think is nutrition with the consent of the family allowing the person to gradually die without medical paraphernalia etc. I know about this as my husband was placed on the Liverpool Pathway.
    I think that Euthanasia can be the kindest path for someone who’s suffering. I agree that everyone should have the right to choose the manner in which they die.
    Spirit mentions suicide. Although I would never think badly of someone who chose suicide, I would always try and help the person through it. I was at the point myself a few years ago yet now I love life. There’s always hope even if at first it seems dim.
    Blessings, John

    • John Cali

      Hi Sarah,

      I wish there were more folks who saw things as you do. There would be a lot less human pain and suffering.

      While I have the greatest compassion for those who commit suicide, there is always hope, as you said. I had a dear cousin kill himself many years ago, and I know the anguish that creates for the family.

      I love what Richard Bach says about suicide: “Anyone desperate enough for suicide… should be desperate enough to go to creative extremes to solve problems…”

      Blessings to you, Sarah

      • Mikala

        About suicide. If we accept severe pain and suffering that won’t end is a viable reason for not prolonging one’s life if the pain is physical, how can we judge suicide differently? We never know what another is living or feeling, or has lived through and is haunted by the past.

  5. Mikala

    Funny, I have no idea “how long I want to live.” I guess as long as I am still learning and growing in Spirit and still have things to do that are important here.

    When I walk through the veil, I see myself just walking out of the body and into the Spirit world. I often go there in spirit, so I can’t imagine it being much different. I will know when my body tells me it is too tired to continue.

    There are times just before I awake in the morning that I’m not certain which of the two I am actually in. If I’m in both anyway, it doesn’t seem to matter much.

    I know there are many who would not understand this, but Spirit does.

    Love to all,

    • John Cali

      Thanks very much, Mikala. What you said makes perfect sense to me. I have the same morning experience occasionally.

  6. Margaret

    I think euthanasia will be accepted soon as the loving thing to do in some circumstances. Once my mother had lost her independence in pretty much every aspect of life, she had had enough and was ready to move on. She used to say to me ‘let me go’ as if my love for her was keeping her here. I feel I walked through the portal with her ad she prepared to leave. It was as if she was in both worlds. One time she told me of a dream she had had of leaping over some water and finding herself on the other side. That night, when I tucked her up in bed, I wished her ‘happy leaping’. She smiled, almost mischievously, anf surprised me by her declaration, ‘I am dancing now!’

    The last few weeks of her life was hard to bear in one sense because she was so frail but actually it was highly charged spiritually. I wanted for a long time to join her.

    Thank you John for these blogs. I don’t often feel I have anything to share but get inspiration from the site every night.

    Love, Margaret

    • John Cali

      Thanks very much, Margaret, for sharing the story of your mother. I know how you must have felt about your mother’s last days. My father was in a very similar situation, and he lingered for over 10 years. I know he wanted to go, long before he finally did.

      You have much to share, Margaret — don’t ever think you do not. Thank you again for this beautiful sharing.

      Love, John

  7. Margaret

    Dear Martha,
    I am sending you best wishes for tomorrow. I feel sure there will be a good outcome. As Spirit has named you, your heart is already strong . Take care, Margaret

    • Martha

      Thank you so much, Margaret!

      I may not know you but I already love you…
      And I love what you said about your mother.

      with a grateful heart that was born to love,


      • Margaret

        Dear Strongheart,
        So happy to hear your news 🙂
        Much love
        Margaret x

        • Martha

          Thank you so much, Margaret!

          It is fun to have a happy heart!!

          I just love that name….MARGARET. 😉


  8. Gail

    Another thought-provoking article. I am in total agreement with your position on people being allowed to help a loved one or friend make their transition. For the same reasons you mentioned. We say it is humane to release a suffering pet, but seem horrified to release a suffering human. After my mother died of lung cancer and a long, drawn out ordeal, I became a fan of Dr Kavorkian. It is the money, I think, for the medical profession. They make the most money from a person at the end of their life if they are in a long illness like cancer or Alzheimer’s.

    Also, I so enjoyed the comments from the woman who nearly crossed over more than once.
    It is very helpful to hear from people like that. It helps to know that the crossing over is very peaceful, even if the outward appearances are horrific. It is a comfort to know our loved ones are fine and we will be fine, too, when the time comes.

    Thank you for the article and the video.

    🙂 Gail

    • John Cali

      Thanks very much, Gail, for your kind words.

      My spirit guides often say dying is easy, regardless of appearances. That should bring some comfort to those who fear death.

  9. Lindah

    live as long as i need to. die in joy, dozing off to sleep waking up in my heaven.

  10. Martha

    Hi John,
    Hello Everyone,

    My answer is,
    I WANT TO ARRIVE HOME THE SAME WAY. ( BUT NOT FOR A LONG LONG TIME..DECADES!! My plan is to enjoy decades of deep happines within my self, loving myself tenderly and. beautifully, and sharing my life with a loving partner who knows how to be and do the same. Now THAT is a party!

    Right now I am in the cardiac unit of a very good hospital. They are treating me for AFIB., a weakened heart muscle and rapid heartbeat. My doctors tell me my heart is ” not so much beating as quivering”.
    This resonated to the deepest part of my being. This is the fright and worry I felt as a small child living in a small apartment with a violent father. While there may be other causative factors I believe this is the root energetic cause of my current heart challenge which has manifested into a physical condition, pattern or habit.

    This is my wake up call to let that sweet little girl ( Little Martha ) know it is finally safe to let all that fear go, and let her know it is SAFE to do so – because I AM HERE FOR HER NOW, FOREVER AND ALWAYS AND I VOW TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER ROUND THE CLOCK, ALL THE TIME, NOW AND FOREVER.

    I had a cardioversion yesterday. My heart went briefly into. normal heartbeat, but then reverted back. Old habits die hard I guess. I think I’ve been this way a long time.


    They will try again tomorrow.





    Strongheart Angel Bear ( the name Spirit gave me 😉


    • John Cali

      Thanks very much, Martha, for sharing all this. I didn’t know you were having heart issues. We’ll certainly keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

      Love, John

    • Barbara

      Thinking of you today, Martha, and sending love and feelings of safely to “Little Martha”.

      This is the script from my “Support Your Heart” recording. Perhaps some of the releasing statements and affirmations will resonate with your heart.
      With love,
      Barbara x

      With every breath I take, I am sending love and gratitude to every single cell in my body! Yes! Yes” Yes!

      With every breath I take, I am sending, love, gratitude and healing to my heart!

      I release any fear I have stored in my heart!

      I release any constriction I have stored in my heart!

      I release any lack of joy, I have stored in my heart!

      I release any insecurity, I have stored in my heart!

      I release any resentment I have stored in my heart!

      I release any hurt I have stored in my heart!

      I release any disconnection I have stored in my heart!

      I release any restriction I have stored in my heart!

      I release any anger I have stored in my heart!

      I release any aggression I have stored in my heart!

      I release any grief I have stored in my heart!

      I release any sense of loss I have stored in my heart!

      I release any resistance to love that I have stored in my heart!

      I release any conflict I have stored in my heart!

      I release any disapproval I have stored in my heart!

      I release any unforgivingness I have stored in my heart!

      I release any stress I have stored in my heart!

      I release any strain I have stored in my heart!

      I release the belief that I am unloveable that I have stored in my heart!

      I release any denied or repressed feelings, I have stored in my heart!

      I release any bitterness, I have stored in my heart!

      I release any deep discontent I have stored in my heart!

      I release any unhappiness I have stored in my heart!

      I clear any ways I may have hardened my heart!

      I clear any ways I may have closed my heart!

      I clear any ways in which I may have become heard hearted!

      I clear any ways in which I have denied the love in my heart!

      I clear any belief that my heart is broken!

      I clear any way I feel disheartened!

      I clear any ways I may have lost heart!

      I clear any ways I need to put more heart in to my life!

      I clear any ways I am out of rhythm with my life!

      I release and completely let go of the belief that I have a bad heart. I now recognise that my heart is doing the very best it can to support me!

      Why do I feel so peaceful?

      Why do I feel so loving now?

      Why do I feel so joyful now?

      Why do I feel safe?

      Why do I feel so loved?

      Why do I feel so supported?

      Why do I feel so open now?

      Why do I feel so worthwhile now?

      Why do I feel so tranquil?

      Why am I so forgiving?

      Why am I so grateful?

      Why am I peaceful and calm?

      Why am I so light hearted now?

      Why am I so comforted?

      Why am I so loving?

      Why am I so loved?

      Why am I so supported?

      Why am I so encouraged and encouraging?

      Why am I so understanding?

      Why am I cherished now?

      Why was it so easy to forgive the past and go with the flow?

      My heart gives and receives love easily and joyfully!

      My heart beats to the rhythm of love!

      It is safe to open my heart!

      I am warm hearted and loving!

      I welcome love with open arms!

      I accept myself!

      The love in my heart grows and fear diminishes. Fear cannot exist where love lives!

      I am strongly connected to the love within!

      I believe in the power of love!

      I am open and free flowing!

      My head and heart are perfectly balanced!

      I am loving and nurturing. I am loved and nurtured!

      I am loved and supported!

      I am safe and secure in love!

      I lovingly allow love, joy and good health to flow through my heart, mind and body!

      My heart is the vital centre of life within me!

      I easily and effortlessly express my heart-felt love!

      Beauty and love are my birthright!

      There is equal give and take in my heart!

      I give and receive heart-felt love!

      I am open to the power of love!

      My heart’s rhythm of love supports me easily and effortlessly!

      Love flows naturally through me!

      I have a beautiful, strong connection with the love within me!

      My hear and body are vital and healthy!

      I am worthy of the very best in life, I now lovingly allow myself to accept it!

      My body is restored to its’ natural state, perfect health!

      I give and receive love easily and joyfully!

      My heart contains only pure, utter and unadulterated love!

      I am release from the constriction of any responsibilities that are not mine!

      I deserve to be pain free!

      I am accepting, peaceful and loving!

      I willingly release the past, it is safe to let go. I am free!

      I am strong and healthy!

      I am cherished!

      I am thriving!

      I am happy, joyous and loving!

      My heart is full-filled!

      I have a good heart. Actually I have a great heart. Thank you, heart, for everything you do for me!

      I am Peace!

      I am Love!

      All Is Well!

      • Martha

        OH BARBARA,


        I read each one aloud just now before they take me down for my procedure.

        Perfect timing!!!

        Shining my heartlight fully in your direction!!!!

        This is a real blessing. I look forward to listening and I am touched by your generosity.

        with a heart full of love,


        • Barbara

          Hi Martha,
          I am so glad you were able to read it. I sincerely hope it helps and I am thinking of you this evening/your afternoon.

          Blessings, love and hugs.
          Barbara x

        • Martha

          Dear Barbara, John, Everyone,

          I have blessed good news to report!

          My Cardioversion was a success!!

          I now have a steady, quiet, deliciously calm heartbeat!
          They discharged me the next day and I am recuperating at a dear friend’s beautiful country house, evenings by the cozy fire belly laughing with her adorable 85 yr old mother.
          I thank you all for the wonderful support and especially you, Barbara for what you sent me.
          I shall continue to draw on it as I continue to walk the path of recuperation and regeneration.
          My friend David says, I am a 1952 model. Built to last! And hopefully for a very long time to come. There are still songs to be sung and love to be given and received, magic and miracles!!

          I mean, I’ve got a whole KINGDOM for goodness sake inside of me! ” The same power that creates worlds” as ABRAHAM would say. And that is really SOMETHING!!
          With all the love in my heart,

          One grateful Martha

          p.s. Barbara..hope to download the. BIG FILES on my friend’s computer today so I can view on my I

          • John Cali

            That’s great news, Martha! Thanks very much for letting us all know, my dear.

            God bless you!


  11. Jeannie

    Death is a doorway, I always say that. In two different altered states I felt that door open for me. The first is in Scotland by a lake crystal clear. I drowned and was held in my lovers arms begging me to stay…….I let go and still felt his sorrow. One thing I learned is life is whether we are in a form or not and your sorrow will follow your love one into that other place. The second was in Mexico I was a male all in black a sword lying across my lap as I leaned my back against an black iron fence. I was bleeding out and quite amazed I was going. I laughed! No one there to fill my going with sorrow. One was easier than the other simply because of the sorrow of my partner who loved me dearly. I have come close to death in this life, the door opened and I chose whether to go or not. I knew each time and each time I stayed even with some consequences of pain. I stayed. The first time I was an infant and had many nurses and doctors willing to keep me going, I thank them for the odds were against me. Again my choice even as an infant. Another time I was burned severely and was in the hospital for a long time. That time I was asked to stay, I heard it and that voice took away the pain and held me secure. That was not in the physical world and It knew I would stay but again I could have gone. We are hear until we no longer wish to be here. And when I decide to go I will go laughing for a new adventure waits just out of sight. For some reason I know when people are going to pass, I knew when my dad was going, I felt my mother go. Sometimes I can look at someone and know it’s their time. It shouldn’t be a sad time for life is no matter if we are here or there or within the mist of long ago.
    As an old movie said (The Mummy) Death is only the beginning.

    I will never die for there is no death only life eternal in different guises, different perspectives.

    love and hugs

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