How To Attract Your Soul Mate by John Cali

One of the most common issues people bring to us in personal readings is romantic relationships—an appropriate subject for today, Valentine’s Day.

People usually ask us how to find a romantic relationship, and then how to handle it after they’ve got “the tiger by the tail.”

Here are some thoughts from Spirit:

If you wish to attract your perfect lover, you must first become your own perfect lover. The law of attraction says like attracts like. You have many ways of expressing that—the rich get richer, the better it gets the better it gets, birds of a feather flock together, etc.

This is what we suggest you do. Sit down and write a list of all the qualities you want in your partner. Include as much detail as feels comfortable. Then take a good, honest self-inventory. Finally, compare the results of that self-inventory with the list of your perfect partner’s qualities.

After that you’ll generally find yourself in one of two places. Either you’ll be looking for someone to fill the gaps you perceive in yourself—someone to “complete” you. Or you’ll be wanting to share with another the beauty you’ve created in your own life.

Either way you’ll get a perfect match—someone as needy as you, or someone as powerful as you.

What you are is what you will attract and create in your own life. No exceptions. The law of attraction guarantees you will always get more of what you are.

Adapted from Soulmate Vibrations by John Cali (Great Western Publishing, 2012)

Related links:
Romantic Relationships
Soul Mates
Loving Relationships
Romance, Focus, and Co-creating


Do you agree or disagree with Spirit’s advice to fall in love with yourself before you go looking for a partner? What has been your experience with relationships (not necessarily only romantic ones)? Please share your thoughts and comments with us below.

We welcome your comments and thoughtful opinions, whether you agree or disagree with us. Please keep your comments polite and relevant to the topic of this post. If needed, we’ll edit for clarity. Also, we’ll delete anything we consider inappropriate.

8 Responses

  1. Damian Purdy

    Thank you John and Spirit,
    I agree with this completely. I have been married twice, and each marriage has helped me redefine what it is I want in a loving relationship. My second marriage, in comparison, was much better than the first, but wasn’t exactly what we wanted. I believe, even when two people meet and everything is a match, both will change over time, wants change…as Abe likes to say “You will never get it done, and you will never get it wrong.” I have been back in the dating arena for about six months. I find that it is a very good tool for helping me evaluate myself. It amazes me to see the women I attract to myself. Each one getting closer and closer to what I want in a relationship. I’m excited. I know that I will find her, and in the process, I find myself.
    I have always known the phrase, ‘To love someone else, you must first love yourself.’ Each time I hear it, I learn something new. Do I want someone to fill in the gaps or find someone as powerful as myself? I want the later. I know I’m not there, yet. However, as you put it, either way it is a good thing. A learning process if we pay attention.
    It is interesting to note that you not only said romantic relationships, but any relationship. I am finding lessons everywhere I look right now. I am noticing patterns, some good, some not so good, or rather not the way I would like. After sifting through all the contrast of my life, in the end, I want someone whom I can love, rather than someone to love me.
    May the leaves of the forest bring you shade.

  2. Sarah Drury

    Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone!
    I really do agree with spirit about loving oneself fully. I do think we can grow from all our relationships if we are able to see the lesson, the gift contained within. And I do think its important to be able to learn and move on too if necessary.
    My husband passed into spirit almost 2 years ago and we were inseparable. It has been challenging and at times uncomfortable since he passed over but I have had plenty of time to learn about myself and move forward. Facing one’s shadow is not always comfortable but its so important to know who I am and to integrate and love all aspects of myself. I don’t mean try and be perfect, just to love myself and accept myself for who and what I am (in this lifetime!).
    One thing I am struggling with a little bit and I don’t know if anyone else has the same situation? Sometimes it can be uncomfortable being around my close family in certain situations. I find our viewpoints and belief systems clash and sometimes there can be negativity. I love my family but sometimes when these situations arise I feel like running 100 miles away as it feels so uncomfortable. What’s the best way to deal with this? I do express my opinion if asked but as it usually differs to theirs then it seems to cause a certain amount of tension.

    • John Cali

      Thanks very much, Sarah.

      I have a similar situation with my large family. Only a few of them share my spiritual beliefs. Some are harshly critical of me. I love them all, and I know they love me. My solution for years has been to simply refuse to discuss subjects, e.g., religion, with those who are close-minded. It’s simple, but it works. And it keeps the peace.

      • Sarah Drury

        Thanks for your advice, John, much appreciated. The thing I find so uncomfortable is that my family can be very judgemental and love to gossip. I will take your advice and simply decline to participate.

  3. Bartholomew

    Thank you, John. This might be a good time, if I may suggest, to (on the next post) retouch on how one can change that about him/herself that he/she doesn’t like – such as through their focus. For example, “I have very little self-confidence, or patience, and I don’t want to attract more of that in my life, particularly through a romantic partner.” That post combined with this would make quite a good pair, and very helpful and rounded.

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