Listen: How To Help Others Heal by John Cali

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A few days ago I was chatting with an old friend. We have a good relationship, but she’s very talkative, and not always a good listener. That sometimes creates tension between us.

This particular day I decided to just listen to her, and keep my words to a minimum. She’s been having some daunting challenges in her work and personal life. She talked a long time, and I mostly listened.

After she was done, and we were about to say goodbye, she paused and looked me directly in the eye. She said “Thank you for listening and being my psychotherapist today. You helped me a lot.”

After we’d said goodbye I mulled over the whole thing. How had I helped her? Her psychotherapist? All I did was listen.

And then it struck me. In this crazy, noisy world of ours, many folks feel unheard and unseen—like my friend.

If we listen not only with our ears, but with our hearts, we can help others heal their lives. How? By showing them they are heard—someone cares—they are seen.

We all want to be seen and heard. The more we help others feel seen and heard, the more others will see and hear us. And the more we will help each other heal our lives in whatever ways we need healing.

Here’s Spirit.


  • When you are connected to yourself and to Spirit, you attune your ears and your heart to listen—to yourself, to others, to animals, to trees, to the world. They all have messages you need to hear.

  • Actually, you are always connected to Spirit. You cannot not be connected, for you are Spirit. You just forget sometimes.

  • When you first encounter people—be it old friends, family, or strangers—make eye contact and send them divine love.

  • One powerful way to do that is to silently say the word, “Namaste.” This ancient Sanskrit greeting means “The Spirit in me acknowledges the Spirit in you.” The other people will feel that acknowledgment deep in their souls.

  • When you want to really listen to someone—or when you want someone to really listen to you, first silently say “Namaste” while looking her/him directly in the eye.

  • When it’s easy to be kind, be kind. When it’s hard to be kind, be kind.

  • The kindest thing you can ever do for another is listen to her/him not only with your ears, but with your heart. They will feel your love. You will help them heal, if that’s what they need.


Sound expert Julian Treasure says, in our loud world, “We are losing our listening.” In this video he shares five ways to re-tune our ears for conscious listening—to other people and the world around us.

Related links:
Connecting To Spirit
Kindness Prevails


Do you find it hard to listen—really listen—to others? Do you even really listen to yourself? What can you do to become a better listener? Please share your thoughts and comments with us below.

What other subjects would you like us to talk about in these posts? Please email me.


About John Cali
John Cali is a writer, blogger, and channel for a group of spirit guides. His next book is Real Answers to Life’s Pesky Questions: Conversations With Spirit, Book 1. John lives in northwestern Wyoming. Sign up for his newsletter here.

13 Responses

  1. Martha

    Thank you, John.

    This is a subject near amd dear to my heart, I suppose in large part to the fact that I never felt heard or seen) as a child. This made me value listening greatly and to this day I am always so shocked when someone really listens well to me. I make a point of thanking them for doing a really good job listening.
    I learned a great deal about listening over the years,,esp doing Harville Hendrix Couples’ work. When I am willing to put my own stuff aside, ( secure in knowing I will be heard fully a little later on, I can hear what it’s like to be you without getting my hands all over it and vice versa..).

    I felt like a ghost in my own childhood. After years of self healing work I did find my voice and I find I have an awful lot to say! In fact, it would be interesting to note here that today my voice is central to my creative life and it is a voice that resonates strongly and must be heard! It took me many decades to retrieve that VOICE and now it is entirely genuine and authentic. Perhaps it was all part of the plan..” He who loses his voicenshall find it?” ;-)) Desire being the seed of creation.

    To me listening means being willing to be present so that I can hear what it’s like to be you. I can then sit back and say, ” WOW…..that’s what it’s like to be you! Amazing!”

    It’s not what we are looking at but what we are looking through which determines our experience. Listening means being a loving witness to the feelings of another through a clear lens.

    The tricky part for me is being able or willing to do that when I am triggered.
    Probably my biggest trigger is NOT feeling heard, so it can be a real Catch 22!

    I like this subject alot, LOVE Ted, and the video spoke to how I often feel.

    Sometimes I get so annoyed that everyone is plugged into their other realities and not HERE/present for what’s happening here, NOW. They all seem to be ” someplace else “. I especially feel annoyed when I see someone talking on a cell phone while walking their dog or being plugged into an IPOD. I love dogs so much I like to be right there in the moment with them. I get such a kick out of seeing what they see and enjoy sharing in their simply joy. The joy of the walk.
    Sometimes I want to yell out on the crowded streets of NY, ” BE HERE NOW PEOPLE!!!! YOU’RE MISSING IT!!!!!”

    John and Spirit, I am so glad you brought this up.



    • John Cali

      You’re very welcome, Martha. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences — you certainly have come a long, long way over the years!

      I remember Harville Hendrix from many years ago. He certainly is a great teacher, and I learned much from him.

      I think being fully present in the moment is a challenge for most people, especially in our modern world of mind-boggling technology. I’ve made a conscious effort the past few years to always, as you put it, be here now. I don’t always succeed, but I’m far better at it than ever before. 🙂

      Thanks again.

  2. Susan

    Beautiful post, John. I have actually had the experience of being on both sides of this. They are both amazingly powerful experiences. Has greatly helped me realize that there is simply something much greater than we are capable of really understanding always at work through all of life. Giving and receiving are one and the same…

    Love and blessings,

    • John Cali

      Thanks very much, Susan.

      I agree — giving and receiving are one and the same. It took me many years to realize that.

      Love, John

  3. Sarah

    Love this blog entry 🙂 I’ve realised in these last couple of years that I was born to listen. To the point where I am terrible at using words to communicate what I am thinking, my own story, my views and opinions. I used to hate it and craved someone, anyone, recognising me and ‘seeing’ me and used to really almost agonise over why everyone else got to tell their story and have their voice heard. Now that I know more about true deep listening, the ego and I know who I really am – Spirit, ageless, storyless, infinite and pure love, I find it much easier to be peaceful with myself. And that is my story haha 😉

    • shirley White

      You are very right Sarah. Listening is an art form and when one listens with their heart and is not constantly thinking of the next thing to say they give a very precious gift.

      Keep listening. The world needs you.

      Blessings and hugs

  4. Pat

    Thank you, John, for writing about this. It’s something I’ve struggled with most of my life and have sometimes even wondered if something is wrong with me. I seem to get the information I hear all jumbled up, missing parts of it, and then come out for the worse in attempts to clarifiy.

    The video was right on and helps in giving me tools to work with.

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