Reader Question: Is It Wrong To Feel Good When Others Are Suffering? by John Cali

Here’s an email we received a few weeks ago:

Hi John,

I just came home from seeing a friend I haven’t seen in many years. I told her about my children and grandchildren and she told me about her nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters (this woman never married). One niece and nephew are drug addicts, one brother and sister-in-law are heavy drinkers, another nephew is just bumming around with no job, another sister and brother are mentally incompetent.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m so fortunate to have such good kids who’ve raised wonderful grandchildren. While I listen to stories from others about the problems they have, I thank God for my kids and my wonderful life.

Is it wrong for me to feel so grateful for my good fortune while others aren’t as fortunate as I am?

Thank you, John.

Here’s Spirit’s reply.


We will answer the reader’s question in one word: No!

It never serves you or anyone else to give up feeling grateful, feeling good simply because other people are struggling with their lives.

In fact the best way to help those struggling is to stay in the peaceful place where you feel grateful, where you feel good. We will go so far as to say this: Feeling good is the key to manifesting what you want in your life. Do whatever it takes to feel good.

From that place of feeling good you empower yourself to more effectively help others. You are never of much benefit to others when you lower your vibration to their level in an effort to help them. That is totally counterproductive.

You can help them raise their vibration and improve their lives only from your centered place of peace and power.

It may help you if you see these struggling people as their higher selves (or Source, or God) do.

Your higher selves see you and all others as they truly are, beyond the human condition, as they are at their soul level. You are all beautiful lights at that level.

The human struggles will pass. And those struggles will always carry you into a higher vibration, because they enable you to grow on your spiritual path. It’s true you do not have to grow through struggle. But many of you choose that path of growth.

So keep being grateful. Keep feeling good. And continue enjoying your life. All is well.


What are your thoughts? Please share with us below.

We welcome your comments and thoughtful opinions, whether you agree or disagree with us. Please keep your comments polite and relevant to the topic of this blog post. If needed, we’ll edit for clarity. Also, we’ll delete anything we consider inappropriate.

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11 Responses

  1. Martha

    Hi Sarah,

    I also loved what you said.

    Great words by Felix Adler.

    By the way, the “double woof! ” was for you!



  2. Cinda Miller

    I am still working through family challenges and I can tell you, from my experience, that it is of utmost importance that those that can be upbeat and positive, to please be that happy person. I surround myself with those that can laugh easily and those that can always see a light at the end of the tunnel.

    It doesn’t upset me to see happiness because they are my examples. I know that I can reach that height or even surpass.

    I am doing all that I can to raise my vibration so that I can hold the hand of someone else who is going through troublesome times and to give the words of encouragement. When you have been to hell and back, the heat has softened your heart so that it can expand.

    Never, ever give up the “gift” of joy and happiness and always be grateful that you are aware of your happiness.

    Give gifts of smiles to all you see, it may just be the invisible “kiss” they need to make it through the day.


    • John Cali

      Thank you very much, Cinda, for your comments — and for sharing your experiences. I know the challenges you’ve been facing, and I deeply admire your courage and wisdom in handling them so beautifully.


    • Martha


      I loved what you said : ” when you’ve been to hell and back, the heat has softened your heart so it can expand..”

      That is very good!

      Thank you for that gem.


  3. Toni

    “Your higher selves see you and all others as they truly are, beyond the human condition, as they are at their soul level. You are all beautiful lights at that level.” I must practice doing this, John. I tend to get very teary and sad for people who are struggling instead of seeing them “at their soul level.”

    Thank you for this, John.


  4. Martha

    The hardest part for me is not feeling good when others are! I feel so separate. It’s painful not to feel good.

    Feeling good connects me.
    Feeling bad isolates me and I feel outside the circle of life.

    ABRAHAM has this wonderful mantra:


    I was just talking to the man in the post office today about this! His mantra is, ” I CHOOSE TO FEEL HAPPY”. He said for him It was life altering.

    This is the planet of free will. We do get to choose.

    As someone who has struggled with lifelong depression, feeling good consistently has been difficult. Negative thoughts become habit if we let them ( and I have). Loving myself with great compassion is something I want to become better at. Every moment is an opportunity to turn it around.


    This is why I like hanging out with dogs. When you ask a dog what time it is, what does he say?

    ” NOW! NOW ! NOW ! NOW ! ”



  5. Conshana

    Dear John, and Spirit
    One of the things I’ve learned in life is, there is no water in a dry well, nor can a mother nurse her baby, except she feed herself FIRST. I totally agree with Spirit on this issue. We all have to face our own challenges, and there is no Human on Earth who doesn’t have an issue that presents a challenge to be overcome. The way I see it, “Problems” are stumbling blocks, but Challenges are Stepping Stones to advancement and learning, and Wisdom,,, With that in mind, then, the balance is possible, as our Challenges even out, as we assist in the support of our fellow human.
    I hope this makes sense, John,,, and that I have explained my thoughts somewhat clearly.
    Blessings to you and yours, and your readers~!
    I AM Conshana

    • John Cali

      Thank you, Conshana, for your comments. They make perfect sense to me.


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